5 Lessons For My Younger Self
When I think about where I am in my life now (married with two dogs, a full-time job being a #CorporateLatinaBaddie, running this blog), I think about who I was in my early 20s and how big and scary all of the things I have now seemed to me at the time. There are so many things I wish I knew then to put me at ease from all the anxiety I was experiencing, and even though there are a million lessons I’ve learned since I was in my early 20s, I wanted to share the ones that have impacted me the most.
1. Don’t take it personal
Monica said it best. But for real, I feel like back then so many things felt personal. Bad dates, drama with friends, customers being shitty to me, bad situationships. Despite all of these negative experiences, I’m so glad I had the opportunity to live on my own in my early 20s in San Francisco because I was really forced to grow up and adapt to different types of people. I learned very quickly that I cannot control my environment or the people in it. From what I’ve experienced in my life, I’ve found that negative interactions with people rarely have anything to do with me. It’s become more and more apparent that everyone is just reacting or projecting what they’re going through onto you. It’s not necessarily fair, but most likely true. I think the important thing to do here is to try to have empathy and compassion for others in those frustrating moments, and that you can only control your own reactions.
2. You don’t have to understand
Woooooof. This is one of the hardest pills for me to swallow, STILL. People do all kinds of things I will never understand, like listen to Pearl Jam, start wars, and let their off leash dogs run up to my dogs and tell me “it’s ok my dog is friendly” and not concern themselves with my dog’s comfort level. Growing up I never felt understood, and because of this I’ve always made it my mission to try and ask a lot of questions and understand others as much as possible. My logic was maybe if I understand more, then this weird thing will make more sense to me. NOPE lol. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned that even when I understand the other person’s logic, I still can’t wrap my head around why someone would do x this way and not that way. The thing is, it doesn’t matter at all. I can’t control what others do, or the fact that some things just won’t make any sense to me. For me, it’s ultimately a control issue, and accepting the fact that some things will not make sense to me helps me let go of my controlling tendencies, and lets me live in a much less judgemental space. Nowadays when I find myself getting frustrated or judgemental, I try to say “if they like it I love it” or “let go and let goddess,” and move on with my day.
3. “When people show you who they are, believe them the first time” -Maya Angelou
This lesson goes for relationships of all types. Before meeting my husband, all of my romantic endeavors were with people who I saw so much potential in, and that is what really drew me to them. They were all either super creative, talented, intelligent, cool, etc. and I truly saw greatness in them. BUT, we were in our early 20s and who tf knows what they’re doing at that age. I’ve experienced everything from situationships, mixed signals, ghosting, one person told me they loved me and then broke up with me and said they wanted to be friends, being cheated on, not committing, all the bullshit. The frustrating part for me was that I was seeing the potential in these people, but not what was actually going on in front of me. All of the experiences were telling me that they didn’t want to be in a relationship with me, or at all, or had some other deep-seeded issues they needed to work out in therapy and had nothing to do with me (see Lesson 1!) I have also had people who I thought were my friends ghost me, verbally lash out on me unexpectedly, or just grow apart, and it was usually because they didn’t have communication skills, didn’t have a level of emotional intelligence that I thought, or were passive people and didn’t know how to handle confrontation. The point is, in any relationship, people will show you who they really are, and it’s up to you whether to believe them or not.
4. You are not what you do
I got my B.A. in Philosophy with a French minor, and in college I had zero plan on how I was going to use my degree for a career, if at all. Working in retail throughout college had me dreaming of becoming a stylist, because I wanted a fun creative job that was in ~*fashion*~. When I finally started freelancing as an assistant stylist, I worked on so many photoshoots with the coolest, most recognizable brands in the world, and I was so happy and excited to level up to being a senior stylist in the freelance world. At the same time I was also DJing with Chulita Vinyl Club and playing at amazing venues, meeting a ton of people, and getting so many opportunities. Then COVID-19 hit, and I lost all of my clients and was out of work and playing gigs for the foreseeable future. It seemed like something I wanted so badly was ripped out from under me, and wasn’t sure how I was going to pay my bills. I had built a “cool”-looking life for myself working on photoshoots by day and being a DJ at night, and then it was gone. But even though I’m not a stylist or DJ anymore, it doesn’t make me any less me. Those are just things I did, but I want to be known for how I move in the world, not necessarily what I do in it. I’m someone who deeply cares about people and wants them to be genuinely happy. I love being a resource for people and share whatever helpful information I have available to me. I’m very curious and love to learn. I have a big heart full of love and there is always room for more. Being known for these qualities are way more important to me than my job title.
5. You can do anything!
The older I get, the more I believe this to be true. Thankfully I had parents who always told me that I could be anything I wanted, but in my head it felt limited to growing up and doing one thing. The truth is, we can do anything we want at any point! As a former stylist DJ to now being a #CorporateLatinaBaddie by day and a blogger by night, I’m here to tell you that it’s never too late to start something new. Every moment is a fresh start. At 31, I’m basically starting over on learning how to surf, learning a new faith, and figuring out how to run a blogging business, but the important thing is that I’m going for it! In this world we live in, life is too short to have limited beliefs of ourselves and not be living exactly how we want to. You can always change careers, find love, learn something new, get a dog, move to a new place, etc. It’s never too late to live the life you want!
