Surfer Girl
If you’re anything like me, trying something new can be TERRIFYING. What if I do it wrong? What if I mess up? What if I look stupid? What if people are laughing at me? These are the thoughts that come to mind whenever I start something new. As a recovering perfectionist, these kinds of thoughts have paralyzed me in fear and have actually prevented me from going for things I really want. It bums me out to think about the things I’ve potentially missed out on because I was afraid of not being perfect at it.
However, I have found something that has forced me to embrace doing it wrong, messing up, looking stupid, and people potentially laughing at me…and that thing is surfing!
As I’ve mentioned before, I did a surf lesson on my honeymoon in Oaxaca earlier this year, and was able to activate my inner child and love of surfing. Having originally learned when I was 12, it’s been almost 20 years since I’ve been on a surfboard. I’m not sure if it was the warm water, Oaxaca heat, or honeymoon high, but I was killing it on those waves! It’s like I hadn’t surfed in only a few days and my muscle memory was fully intact. My husband and I were so stoked on our new talent and from that moment convinced ourselves that we were surfers and when we got back to the Bay we suited up and headed out to the beach as soon as we could.
OH HOW THE TIDES HAD TURNED and yes beach pun intended! It’s easy she said, I was killing it in Oaxaca she said. No te crees Sarita!!! It was like I’ve never even been in the water before. I was nosediving, swallowing ocean water, getting water in my nose, getting hit in the head with my surfboard, getting tangled in the waves. I could not believe how bad I was at surfing when I had literally been so good just weeks earlier! I was humbled with a quickness by the ocean, and had to accept that I would be basically starting over. With this new lesson, and all this new surf gear that is both my Christmas and birthday gift for the year, I swallowed my pride and did my best to accept that I, Sarah Charnow-Rivera, suck at surfing.
As a recovering perfectionist, this is not easy for me to accept by any means. In the past, I was used to being good at things the first or second try and if I wasn’t then I didn’t pursue it. I detest being a beginner at things, because of all the aforementioned questions that cause me to have performance anxiety. Nevertheless, I had committed myself to this new hobby and therefore felt compelled to change my attitude and approach.
After my first few sessions, I would try to analyze what I thought I did wrong, and my problem was that I was scared. I would think, What if I fall? What if I get water in my nose and it stings? What if I get caught in a wave? If you’ve ever tried surfing you know that these are inevitable events. But now, I’ve learned to accept that I have very little control in the situation, and all I can do is embrace the fear and use it to drive me. Yes I will do it wrong, I will look stupid and mess up, but literally everybody who is learning goes through this phase, and ultimately it doesn’t even matter as long as I’m having fun. The best surfer is the one having the most fun. Plus there are plenty of other kooks on the beach looking more wack than me so fuck it!
It also helps to remember why I started back up to begin with. I remember the feeling of standing up when I was a kid and how accomplished and badass I felt, and as an adult I want that feeling back! Since then I’ve stood up a few times, but haven’t been nearly as good as I was in Oaxaca, and it’s ok. I have the rest of my life to get noticed by Roxy and Billabong and choose who to sponsor me ;)
I love that surfing forces me to surrender my need for control, to release my performance anxiety, and reminds me to stay present, because if you overthink you *will* fall. My inner child is so happy in the water, and every time I get out there I’m so proud of myself for just going out there and trying. It’s all a process and I still mostly fall, but luckily there are plenty of waves to choose from so I can always try again.
