How To Deal With Imposter Syndrome
What is imposter syndrome? According to an article by Harvard Business Review called “Stop Telling Women They Have Imposter Syndrome,” it’s doubting one’s own abilities and feeling like a fraud. Sound familiar?
I feel like I’ve had this “syndrome” for most of my adult life. When I was freelancing as an assistant stylist and someone would ask me if I knew how to do something, I’d say yes even though it wasn’t true because I didn’t want them to think I was dumb, or that they hired the wrong person. Then when COVID hit and lost all my clients, I decided to try marketing, even though I didn’t have real marketing experience. When I was looking for marketing roles, I would freak out because my resume didn’t say “marketing” anywhere, so I was convinced nobody would ever hire me. Even now I get this feeling with being in yoga teacher training, I’m like who is even going to want to take a yoga class from me? I don’t know how to do any of the impressive fancy poses. As I write this very blog post, I’m doubting myself because I’m not an expert blogger and even calling myself a blogger is *cringe* and I’m technically not even a writer and having to promote this blog is uncomfortable because what will people think of me and see how easy it is too start spiraling??
I think the common threads of imposter syndrome is three fold. We’re worried about how people will perceive us, we compare ourselves to others, or we think we’re not (insert adjective) enough. What are we even comparing ourselves to? I know for me I’ll be scrolling through my feed and look at other yoga and wellness etc. personalities and think wow they’re really good at what they do I should probably be more like them. And of course social media is the worst place to compare yourself to other people’s lives but sometimes we can’t help it!
One way I combat this is by reminding myself that I don’t need to be more like anybody, I need to be more like me. I really think a big reason I’ve had as many opportunities as I’ve had is because I’ve always been myself. I wear my heart on my sleeve and am very honest, and even when it sometimes gets me in trouble, people can always tell that I’m being real with myself and thus with them. In a world where it’s easy to want to be like those you’re comparing yourself to, I encourage you to double down on yourself and bring even more of you to the table because realistically, that’s probably what the world needs.
But Sarah, what will other people think if I bring more of myself and they don’t like it or I fail at (blank)? Honestly, fuck ‘em. I know it’s easier said than done! But know that they are not your people. They were not meant for you as you were not meant for them and that’s OK. We are not meant for everybody. I know that some people will read this and be like “no thanks ” or “ooo shes a ‘blogger’ now?” or whatever but that just tells me a.) suck it and b.) that I am not for everybody and that is something that I’ll have to accept. We can’t and won’t win every time and that’s ok. Mistakes will be made but the good news is that we will always learn lessons.
Trying to appeal to everyone is so exhausting, and you don’t even really benefit from it! Why not appeal and please yourself and do what you do for your own happiness? If you don’t get a job or a client drops you or you break up or whatever the thing, it simply wasn’t meant to be or it was only meant to be a lesson. They just did you a favor and made space for another opportunity to come your way.
Also, maybe we need to rethink why we get imposter syndrome in the first place! Is it because we live in a patriarchal society where women are often pitted against each other much more than our male counterparts so we’re forced to be constantly comparing and doubting our achievements and accolades? How many times have women been in work environments or otherwise and felt like they didn’t belong, especially Black and Indigenous women and women of color? As stated in the article, we feel like we don’t belong because we were never supposed to belong. “Biased practices across institutions routinely stymie the ability of individuals from underrepresented groups to truly thrive […] The answer to overcoming imposter syndrome is not to fix individuals but to create an environment that fosters a variety of leadership styles and in which diverse racial, ethnic, and gender identities are seen as just as professional as the current model.” -Ruchika Tulshyan and Jodi-Ann Burey
So yeah, if you’ve ever felt you had imposter syndrome, it’s not you. It’s them. Keep doing you. The world needs more of it.
